BY JYOTHSNA HEGDE
In the “City of Joy”, where women are worshipped as goddesses, a postgraduate trainee at R.G. Kar Medical College and Hospital in Kolkata was brutally raped and murdered on the premises, in a space meant for healing. Neither an isolated case nor an aberration, it is the culmination of our entrenched rape culture, grossly endorsed by society, economy, and above all, politics. A sad revelation of systemic failures that encompass everything from victim shaming, gender-based violence, male excuses and ‘justifications’ of rape, our embedded patriarchal hierarchy, and so much more.
The victim’s story is a reflection of the silent struggles faced by countless women, shattering the illusion that women are safe in society. Sadly, the onus to protect themselves is somehow fostered on women, the victims, completely denying societal involvement and seeing rape as an act of the perpetrator alone, as an individual.
After the Nirbhaya incident which stirred the pot universally, a stringent law was introduced but nothing has changed in the past decade. Since then, several gruesome rapes including the Shakti Mills gang rape (2013), Ariyalur gang rape(2016), Unnao gang rape (2017), Kathua gang rape(2018), Hyderabad gang rape and murder(2019), and Hathras gang rape(2020) have marked news headlines. India reported 33,356 rape cases in 2023 alone—an average of 91 rapes daily. Yet, justice remains a distant dream for many victims, with a conviction rate of just 27.2%.
As someone who left my homeland nearly three decades ago, I cannot help but compare the status in my adopted land. Unfortunately, the picture is just as grim. Characters and situations are perhaps different, but the underlying culture of sexual violence is ubiquitous, and atrocities persist in India and around the world. In every ethnic strife, opponents rape women as part of the spoils of their victory. Its regularity in news headlines is sickening.
“Our daughter left for college a week ago. Our son who is a senior at college had one piece of advice for his sister. “Stay away from drugs and men,” an Atlanta mom and successful career woman, remarked. What is distressing about his advice, she notes, is that, “this is such a beautiful time in the lives of young people where they look forward to go to school, meet interesting people and embark on new beginnings – then a beautiful young girl is painted such a dark picture.”
As disheartening as his advice is, he is right to warn his sister. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted.
Estimates published by WHO indicate that globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. It was not until long ago that women’s rights to bodily integrity were fully recognized and enshrined in international law. The United Nations’ (UN) first Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) wasn’t published until 1979, recording the UN’s action plan on gender equality. Violence against women was officially added as a form of gender-based discrimination in the updated 1992 version, recognizing this as a violation of women’s human rights (OHCHR). Violence against women was first recognized as a violation of human rights only in 1992.
Gender-based violence (GBV) transcends age, religion, classes, and national boundaries, manifesting itself in various contexts such as the family, workplace, public spaces, communities, schools and hospitals.
In 1971, writer Susan Griffin called rape “The All-American Crime” in Ramparts Magazine. She was the first feminist to explain that men rape children, elderly and disabled women, not just girls dressed in mini skirts, challenging the belief that rape was a sexual act, fueled by men’s irrepressible sexual drive. Instead, she argued that rape was an assault against a woman, fueled by the desire to control and harm her, not a sexual act at all.
Aparna Bhattacharyya, Executive Director of Atlanta-based Raksha, echoes similar sentiments. “Sexual assault is not about what someone is wearing or where they are, it is about power and control. It is an act of violence, a way to assert power.,” she notes. When a woman is not interested in a man, the feeling of rejection manifests into entitlement of their bodies. This idea, she underlines, inherently devalues women because their needs are secondary to the abuser’s needs and wants. “If we valued women, we would trust them to make decisions about their own bodies, we wouldn’t be trying to take their rights away, we would be paid equally and we wouldn’t have son preference, we wouldn’t have women killed when they try to leave abusive partners.”
In the wake of the Kolkata tragedy, Indian actress Celina Jaitley shared her picture from Grade 6, recounting how boys from a nearby university would wait for her outside school and would follow her rickshaw making catcalls all the way home every day. She wrote, “I pretended not to notice them, and a few days later because of that they started throwing stones at me in the middle of the road to get my attention. Not one bystander batted an eye. I was told by a teacher: It was because I was ‘too westernised and did not wear loose clothes and did not tie my hair in two braids with oil it was my fault!’
RAPE CULTURE
When society normalizes sexualized violence, it accepts and creates rape culture, author Emilie Buchwald writes in her Transforming a Rape Culture. In her book, she defines rape culture as a complex set of beliefs that encourage male sexual aggression and support violence against women.
Rape culture is a toxic environment where sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. It is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies and the glamorization of sexual violence. Overall, this creates a society that disregards women’s rights and safety, putting them at greater risk of rape and sexual assault.
The ubiquity of sexual violence against women and the impunity with which some perpetrators get away with it time and again is alarming. Per to U.S. Justice Department statistics, rape is the nation’s most underreported violent crime because survivors fear that juries will believe the perpetrators, not them, and if they pursue justice, they may suffer further physical, economic, or social harm. This stacked deck of “rape culture,” is collective social attitudes about sexual assault that leads to survivors being treated with skepticism and even hostility, while perpetrators are shown empathy and imbued with credibility.
VICTIM BLAMING – SEXUAL ASSAULT / DOMESTIC ABUSE
As if gruesome bodily harm and lifelong distress is not enough, blaming the victim is an unfortunate yet common phenomenon. It often happens because people make faulty attributions to explain events. Why? Perhaps it is a way for them to feel safer by assuming that they would never become a victim. Blaming the victim might help protect people’s worldview, but it deprives survivors of the empathy and support that they need.
The cycle of silence and stigma extends to domestic abuse and violence as well. It’s difficult to understand the depth of coercive controls and barriers female victims face when in abusive or violent relationships. In most relationships, women progressively feel more stuck as they go through this cycle in their bad relationships.
“As a psychologist, I know that for any woman seeking to break free from the cycle of abuse, the most empowering mindset is one rooted in acceptance, self-compassion, and clarity. It’s crucial to clarify that acceptance does not mean tolerating or justifying the abuse; rather, it involves acknowledging the reality of the abuse. Denial, avoidance, and rationalization are common coping mechanisms that may temporarily shield a woman from pain but ultimately keep her trapped in a harmful situation. These forms of avoidance can manifest in various ways, such as overeating, drinking, substance abuse, overworking, compulsive shopping, perfectionism, people-pleasing, unhealthy relationships, or excessive caretaking—anything that numbs or distracts from the painful truth,” observes Dr. Ayesha Suneja, Clinical Psychologist.
So why do women stay in abusive relationships? Divorce and Transitional Coach, Gita Vemparala who deals with these issues for a living, notes that “reasons are often complex and deep-rooted in personal fears and societal pressures.” Education, she adds, has little bearing. Intertwined factors such as fear of uncertainty, children, finances and the shame & stigma associated with divorce, she observes, create a strong web that traps even educated women in abusive relationships, making it incredibly difficult to break free.
South Asian women in the United States may face additional challenges due to barriers such as financial dependence on the abuser, immigration threats from partners, pressure to uphold family values and honor, and abuse from in-laws and extended families.
“Women staying in abusive marriages due to visa restrictions is a common occurrence not just in the USA but worldwide. Women are generally indoctrinated to hold their marriage, keep families together and so on. That, coupled with no financial freedom, leads them to tolerate unbelievable abuse. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of women to be emancipated- make a career and have a life/identity independent of their spouses. This will at least help them get out of abusive marriages,” Bhavya Chaudhary, Founder and Managing Attorney at Bhavya Chaudhary and Associates Law Firm notes.
Facing the reality of an abusive relationship is incredibly difficult, particularly when the abuse is not physical but mental, emotional, sexual, or financial. Yet, “acknowledging this truth is the first crucial step toward reclaiming one’s life. It’s important to understand that leaving such a relationship is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of immense courage and self-respect,” Dr. Suneja explains.
What can women do to overcome this fear? Building a strong, supportive network that offers encouragement, and strength is vital during this journey, ,” Dr. Suneja observes. “Every woman should remember that her life, peace, and happiness are worth fighting for. True empowerment begins with the belief that we deserve better, and genuine healing starts when we prioritize our own well-being.”
The root cause for sexual violence and the road towards change
It all begins at the beginning. The language is instrumental, along with many other factors, in injecting the male superiority ego in a child’s mind. The most used slangs in India are all about women and either propagates the normalization of rape or depicts women’s sexual humiliation. All languages stigmatize a woman’s desire, and men hardly understand what consent is, and films with ample amounts of misogynistic dialogues, sexist jokes with misogynistic connotations become blockbuster hits. A child growing up with male privilege eventually internalizes this privilege and begins to take women for granted.
“To create change, we must begin with the language we use and the lessons we teach our children,” Dr. Suneja says. Boys, she notes, must be taught to respect others as deeply as they respect themselves, to understand that consent is non-negotiable, and to embrace vulnerability as strength.
Often boys are taught that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness. Anger, Dr. Suneja observes, often becomes the only emotion they feel permitted to express. “However, anger is a secondary emotion, a protective layer masking deeper, more vulnerable feelings like hurt, sadness, fear, rejection, and shame. These are the emotions that truly need to be acknowledged and understood for boys to develop empathy and compassion—for themselves and others. Girls, on the other hand, must be encouraged to speak up, value their voices, and understand that their worth is not tied to their ability to endure.”
Bhattacharyya agrees. “We need to build cultures of consent. Cultures where we are all valued as well as our choices. Where boys and girls learn about boundaries, bodily autonomy and respect,” she notes.
In order for true change to occur, unequal gender relations in families need to be changed, communities, and social institutions like workplaces and schools, men and women can work together to take specific action. Social practices and bad male attitudes result in sex stereotypes that tend to devalue or attribute women’s success to luck or effort rather than ability or skill. Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses but women for their strengths. Men’s involvement in gender equality initiatives should have a positive impact on all facets of their lives, fostering social inclusion, democracy, and justice. We, as people, must take the initiative to create a climate of equality with sustained efforts to eradicate bias.
And most of all, we must stop the politicization of crimes and engage in an equality approach: It is of utmost importance to stay focused on legal aspects without involvement of any political or personal agendas. Soft approach by authorities towards the “influential” must be stopped and equal treatment given to the accused of any offence without preventing anyone, whether he belongs to the high-class society or an indigent person. And justice must be served quickly!
Bhattacharyya also questions the imbalance in outrage – “We should be outraged by every sexual assault, not just ones of doctors. In 2012 we were outraged but since then so many sexual assault occurred of women and girls that we have not been as outraged about. Would we have this outcry if the victim was poor, uneducated, or worked in a wealthy person’s home.”
This is not just about mourning the loss of a life, but about recognizing our collective responsibility to ensure that such tragedies do not repeat themselves. It’s about questioning how we can create a safer, more supportive environment for everyone, especially those who are most vulnerable.
While protests and vigils bring awareness to the issue, they cannot rid nations of rape. Yes, justice should be served, but retributive justice cannot wipe out rape culture. It only serves the purpose of those in power. We need to question of every aspect of society that endorses rape culture. From religion, politics, and socio-economical aspects, we need a change. We need our men to unlearn toxic masculinity and undue privileges. We need them to learn consent and respect for women.
Makes you wonder if it has always been this way. Well, not in the Indian history. In early Vedic period women enjoyed equal status with men. Rig-Veda & Upanishads mention several names of women sages and seers notably Gargi & Maitri. The mythology of Ardhanarishwar is a celebration of gender equality that highlights the complementary nature of the masculine and feminine. With male half as Purusha and female half as Prakriti, the scriptures depict ways in which both are interrelated, dependent, inseparable, and incomplete without each other, with defined roles of each towards the cosmos. The status of women began to deteriorate approximately from 500 B.C, with the situation worsening over time.
The horrific news of the Kolkata victim splashed all over the news around Indian Independence Day, a far cry from Mahatma Gandhi’s vision of freedom that extends far beyond political independence –”India will be free when the women feel safe to walk in the streets of India in the midnight.” Will this vision ever come true for India and the rest of the world? Not if we continue to cultivate this notorious culture.
