BY GITA VEMPARALA*
When my divorce papers were finally signed, I expected to feel free. I imagined myself lighter, ready to celebrate the fresh start, perhaps even reclaim a long-lost joy. Instead, I felt an uneasy emptiness.
It wasn’t just the end of a marriage—it was the sudden absence of friends I thought I could count on. This happened more than ten years ago, but the memory of that void remains as clear today as it was then. Friends who were with me during good times quietly disappeared when life got messy.
As a divorce coach, I see this experience repeatedly, especially among South Asian/Indian women. Divorce carries a unique cultural burden in our community. Friends may want to help but have no idea how. They feel an implicit pressure to take sides, especially when friendships are tied to the family. On top of that, the fear of gossip or image in the community, and long-standing loyalties may make friends walk away. As a result the person going through divorce feels abandoned and isolated.
When these connections falter during a crisis, the pain can feel very personal. It can stir up resentment, even shame. But here’s the truth: it is by no means a reflection of you. Some friendships, like marriages, grow apart while others deepen. In many ways, a crisis becomes the defining moment of a friendship.
I recall one client who shared how, after her separation, her weekend invitations vanished almost overnight. Friends who had once included her in couples’ dinners stopped calling. At first, she assumed she had done something wrong. Over time, she realized her presence disrupted their group dynamic—she was no longer part of a couple, and that made them uncomfortable. What hurt most was not the loss of the dinners, but the loss of belonging.
So how should someone navigate this painful shift?
First, allow yourself to feel. It is okay to acknowledge sadness, anger, or disappointment without judgment. Suppressing those emotions only delays healing. Naming them is the first step toward moving through them.
Next, notice who remains. Pause to identify the friends who truly stayed in your life—the ones who check in, who listen without judgment, who make space for your pain and your growth. These are your lifelines. Nurture those relationships with gratitude. Send a message to them simply reminding them what their presence means to you. Even one or two such friends can carry you through the toughest storms.
Finally, practice forgiveness for those who drifted away. Not for their sake, but for yours. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the hurt or excusing their absence. It means choosing not to let bitterness keep you anchored to the past. By releasing resentment, you create space for growth, self-respect, and meaningful new connections.
Divorce can feel like a period of loss—not only of a partner, but of a social circle. Yet within that loss lies an unexpected opportunity: to rebuild your friendships intentionally, to surround yourself with people who lift you up, and to build a life that reflects your true values. Some clients tell me that the friends they gained after divorce are among the deepest, truest relationships of their lives, precisely because they were chosen from a place of clarity.
I often remind women that divorce is not just an ending—it is also an opportunity. An opportunity to shape your life just the way you want, to choose your relationships wisely, to recognize your own strength, and to show up for others in ways that matter most. When we approach life with gratitude for the few who remained, while being open to new connections, our relationships are richer and far more resilient.
Life after divorce may not look like the life you once imagined. But it can be brighter, deeper, and more fulfilling than you ever thought possible—especially when you surround yourself with people who love you not only in sunshine, but also in the storm.
*About the author:
Gita Vemparala is a life and divorce coach who helps women and couples navigate challenges with clarity and confidence. She supports women during and after divorce, and also guides couples in building stronger, healthier relationships. https://www.gitavemparala.com/
