"Girls
Must Understand That Freedom Does Not Mean Becoming Like
Boys"
Apropos Reena
Patel’s article “The
Dark Truths About The Desi Party Scene”, the
incidents do present a grave picture of any society.
While having sympathy with the victims, I happen to
differ on a few facts and realities.
This picture is not restricted to Indian parties only;
it can happen at any party, the difference being only in
the girl's attitude. At these parties they go expecting
the boys not to act that way, whereas if they go to an
American party they not only expect these behaviors, but
also welcome them.
Girls must understand that freedom does not mean
becoming like boys, but to be superior to them (that’s
the way God setup the nature's rule). Gandhiji once
said, "If strength means beastly strength then for
sure men are more powerful than women", meaning
every man is born with some “beastly trait". So
it is up to the girl to face it, ignore it or avoid it.
In my opinion, in all the incidents, the girls made
their decision to face it. They were still at the party
until late at night, they decided to drink and get
drunk, when anybody should know that with darkness
beasts get hyper.
What I am trying to say is that it does not matter
whether you are a boy or girl, if you don’t understand
the basic realities that staying late at parties,
drinking and trying to have fun all the time is bad,
then both sexes need a dose from their parents.
Indu Dey, Atlanta GA
"Telling
Girls It Is Their Fault Is The Exact Reason They
Don’t Ever Speak Up"
Reena
Patel responds.
I agree that girls
should really think about the way they act and
what kind of attention it attracts. It’s
definitely something that should be pointed out.
I'd like to discuss the legal aspects of this
problem. We all live in America, and we all have
the basic rights to express ourselves in any way
that is legal. If we want to go out dancing with
our friends, the appropriate time to do that is at
night. I chose to go out, and I chose to go with
my friends and family because they take care of
me. Just because I step into a club doesn't mean
that a guy has the right to jump me. To people who
think girls ask for it just because they decide to
go out or dress a certain way: you don't have to
respect these girls, but you still have to respect
her basic rights to her own body.
Saying that a girl asks for it by going out is as
absurd as saying that a woman asks to be sexually
harassed if her co-workers are mostly male.
Telling girls that it is their fault is the exact
reason that Indian girls don’t ever speak up
when these things happen. As women of the
twenty-first century we shouldn't be saying lets
just stay home to avoid the problem. We should be
finding solutions. We are just beginning to find
equality in society so why should be socially
restrict ourselves?
I'm not saying that this doesn't happen at all
with other races because that’s simply not true.
I just think that with the increase in the
statistic of Indian females having this problem
and the decline of males being told anything about
it, its time to speak up. As Indian people we
should change the mentality of our people to
better our society because no one else will do
that for us.
In response to the idea that a girl would not
speak up at a different race party, that’s not
true at all. I asked a large number of my friends
and they all agreed that they would be more
inclined to make a scene at a non-Indian party. We
are all in the same social circle with Indian
people. If I were to start a fight with one Indian
person their friends would either retaliate or
slander my name. Whereas if I were to speak up at
a non-Indian party, what are the odds that I will
ever see that person again? We kids put up a front
about not caring what society thinks about us, but
in reality it’s a very big concern.
Again I completely agree that both guys and girls
need to change but I don't think telling girls not
to go out is going to solve the problem. There is
a reason that the legal drinking age is 21 for
both sexes. We live in a country that prides
itself on freedom, and we should have the right to
exercise those rights and still be safe. By
telling girls that guys are going to react that
way when they go to a club, the message going out
to guys is that they have the right to act this
way.
Another thing to think about is the second
incident I discussed in my article. There was no
alcohol involved in that incident. It was at a
religious event with lots of parents around. So
did that girl do something wrong by going to
celebrate with her family? We really need to focus
on educating our youth instead of pointing
fingers. These sorts of things happen even in
Indian homes. It’s not a matter of how or when
it happened, it’s a matter of right and wrong.
Lets start thinking of both sexes under equal
pretences. While men may have more physical
strength, women can easily come together and let
our voices show our own strength. We will not
tolerate this behavior because the fact stands
that it is illegal to sexually harass or rape a
woman no matter what the circumstances are.
