"Meetings are a great trap. Soon you find yourself trying to get agreement and then the people who disagree come to think they have a right to be persuaded. However, they are indispensable when you don't want to do anything."
-John Kenneth Galbraith

During the course of my serving several Indian-American organizations, I’ve gone through the motions of conducting organizational meetings. I have always been determined to accomplish something out of these meetings, but have unfailingly ended with disappointment. I am not exaggerating here. Over the years, with an intent to prepare in advance, I made it a point to carry a couple of Tylenols with me to these meetings. Unfortunately, Johnson & Johnson has invented only Tylenol and Extra Strength Tylenol, but their researchers failed to invent ‘Tylenol-Meeting Resistant Strength’. Irrespective of my preparations, always, it is with a tremendous headache that I return from these meetings.

Here is a journal entry of one such meeting:

I have gone through this exercise several times before. I am sure today it won’t be an exception and the experience will be the same- frustrating!

I start out with my simple opening statement. “This meeting is now called to order.” I hate to do it, but I have to. I know what this group of people is like, and I know what this meeting is going to be like. But I still call the meeting to order. I guess it’s that perverse side of me emerging – you know, the side that wants to see what is going to happen during this meeting. It’s the same side of me that imagines it will get an important message from our Bollywood movies.

“I don’t think we’ve a quorum. Per ‘Robert’s rules of order we can’t hold a meeting with out a quorum,” interjects a past secretary who always takes pride of his so-called knowledge of those rules. I can overhear an executive committee member slowly enquiring with another member sitting next to him, “Ye Robert fellow kaun hai yaar? Why should we follow his rules?” 

The Secretary takes a quick head count and declares, “Yes. We do have a quorum.”

“Then, this meeting is now called to order.” I announce to no one in particular.
“Should it be called to order yet? Manju is not here yet,” the Secretary notes with a clearly visible worried look on his face. But we were already 30 minutes late in commencing.

“Manju had called me earlier to tell y’all that she is going to be late,” says the ever easy going Vice-President.
“Perhaps we should hold the meeting?” The Secretary is worried.

Some one else decides to join in, in this inauspicious beginning to the meeting. “Shastriji is the one who always says the prayer and he is not here yet”.
“Well I suggest that somebody else say the prayer today”.
I see embarrassed glances around the table. “Surely, somebody knows the prayer?”
Glances all around again.
“We’ll dispense with the prayer. Old business?”
“I don’t think we have any, the minutes of last meeting aren’t ready yet,” the Secretary admits.
“Great.” I hate going over those decisions of my previous nightmarish meeting. “New Business?”
“I don’t think we have any of that either – as we couldn’t prepare the agenda on time for today’s meeting”. The Secretary again.
“Well, that is interesting. Why are we here?”
“As per the by-laws, we have to have a meeting every month,” a past president insists, clearly showing the ‘expert’s knowledge’ on his face.
“Why”
“To plan new business.”
“Okay. Let’s plan”. I’m really trying hard to get something useful from this meeting. “What can we do?”
The silence stretches on.
I decide to start small. “Let’s do a fund raising event. A cultural program with local talent exclusively?” I finally suggest.
The treasurer jumps in. “We hade one last year – it was a huge financial disaster to our association - Bahut nuksan hua.”
“Okay”. I’m not even going to ask why can’t we try one more time and succeed. “How about a silent auction?”
“We’ve never done that before” laments past president.
“Good!” I’m pleased.
“There must be a reason we haven’t done one before.” Some one else adds quietly.
‘True.” The man with the droopy eyes at the end of the table agrees. “I don’t know what the reason is, but it must be good or we’d have done such a silent auction before.”
“Yes” the rather bored woman at my side, agrees, “I vote against a silent auction. I don’t know why, but I do.” Murmurs of agreement ensue.
“Alright.” I demur. “Let’s hear some other ideas.”
“A cultural program with local talent?” A gentleman who was asleep during the earlier conversation suggests.
“Great idea,” the Secretary throws in. “We haven’t done one of those since last year.”
“Yeah,” a general voice of agreement arises from the group.
“Hey, look,” the treasurer, shouts. “Manju abhi aayee.”

For the next 15 minutes, the group is saying hello to Manju. Then the Secretary looks at me. “I guess we can call the meeting to order now.”

It’s time for me to dig into my pocket for those Tylenols –Extra Strength’.

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